Comedian Roseanne Barr

People say to me, “You’re not feminine.” Well, they can just suck my dick.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that.'

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.