Comedian Ricky Gervais

I'm from a little place called England ... We used to run the world before you.

My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela……incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he’s been out about 18 years now……and he hasn’t reoffended.

Where there's a will - there's a relative!

You’re an idiot. What you think an African family wakes up and there’s a little goat with a ribbon tied round it? And they go, ‘Oh look what Santa brought us!

Look, just tell me where that lemon came from and I'll shut up and go away.