Comedian Patton Oswalt

Zombies can't believe the energy we waste on nonfood pursuits.

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.

90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.