Comedian Natasha Leggero

Make a sex tape, upload it, get on a reality show, release a perfume, retire. That’s the new American dream.

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got Doritos out of a vending machine.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, ‘Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I’m home?’ And my mother said, ‘You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.’ And I said, ‘Yes, but you see, I’ve reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?’

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?