Comedian Jim Jefferies

Top 5 quotes

The bible, that’s god book, as far as I know the devil hasn’t brought out a book yet, haven’t heard his side of the argument. God’s just writing shit about him, and the devil’s being the bigger man and saying I’m not even going to comment, talking shit about me like that.

Men don’t give a fuck about kissing. Used to like kissing when we were in our early teens. Then someone sucked our dick. And then, “What’s this kissing thing? Why would I ride on the swings? I’ve already been to Disneyland.”

Do you think pandas know they’re Chinese and they’re taking the one child policy a bit too seriously?

If you dont drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, And then I got home...

The Bible’s too wordy. The 10 Commandments are a load of shit. You don’t need all these things. The Bible should be one sheet of paper, and on that sheet of paper it should say: ‘Try not to be a cunt.’

Jim Jefferies quotes

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