Comedian Jack Handey

Top 5 quotes

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Instead of building newer and larger weapons of mass destruction, I think mankind should try to get more use out of the ones we have.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.

Jack Handey quotes

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