Comedian Eddie Izzard

British stand-up comedian, actor and writer. His comedy style takes the form of rambling whimsical monologue and self-referential pantomime.

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Top 5 quotes

There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD!

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

Racist people, interestingly, are never as polite as smokers. Have you noticed that? Smokers always go, "Do you mind if I smoke? Oh, you do? Okay, I'll go outside and have a cigarette." Racist people never go, "Do you mind if I'm racist? Oh, I'll go outside … fucking blue people, eh? Coming here, steal our hamsters …"

Squirrels always eat nuts with two hands, always two hands, "arararar", and occasionally, they stop and go, oh, uh, ah, as if they're going, "Did I leave the gas on? No! I'm, no I'm a f**king squirrel!" And occasionally they go, "F**king nuts! Fed up with them always. I long for a grapefruit."

Hitler ended up in a ditch covered in petrol on, that's fun. And that's funny. Because he was a mass-murdering f**khead!

Eddie Izzard quotes

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