Comedian Dennis Miller

Sure, the lion is king of the jungle, but airdrop him into Antarctica & he's just a penguin's bitch.

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

I rant, therefore I am.

We're not allowed to do anything to nature anymore, except look at it. It's like porn with leaves.