Comedian Colin Quinn

The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

My name has zero value.

So instead of talking about theoretical ways of ending the war and violence, I say that we have to get rid of the individual assholes in each office and situation.

Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.