Comedian Christian Finnegan

Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.

Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.

I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.