Comedian Carl Barron

Top 5 quotes

My friends like to tell me before they fart like it's important. They get really excited, like I wanna know about it. "Jeez I'm gonna fart." "Don't do it in here ya dickhead there's no windows." Or they tell you after they've done it. "I just farted." But nobody ever tell's you while their doing it. That'd be a bit weird going "I'm farting! (Pause) Still goin'!"

I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away.

I was asked by a waitress, with a straight face she said "Would you care for an orange juice?". I said "If it needed me". "Is it going to be alright?"

I love tea. Mmmm. I know I'm getting old because I'm startin' get excited about tea. Just sitting in the loungeroom bored ya no. Somebody goes "You want a cup of tea?" and I go "Oar he hor." Start feeling a little bit depressed when it gets to the bottom, I think to myself I'll just make myself another cup, I can feel happy again.

My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts.

Carl Barron quotes

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