Comedian Bob Hope

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

I don't feel old - I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.