Best short quotes

I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences, ... I cross the board.

I’m in shape. Round is a shape.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

The meal is not over when I'm full. The meal is over when I hate myself.

There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is DEAD!

Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'

I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.