Best short quotes

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

I’m dangerously close to getting what I want. Feels a bit weird.

I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.

It isn’t fair: the caterpillar does all the work, and the butterfly gets all the glory.

There's more evil in the charts than in an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.