Best short quotes

Friends take up time, and I didn't have time.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.

If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! "This is a rap killing. Let's go home!"

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so…retired mermaids.

I love playing ego and insecurity combined.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

A good story is always you doing something wrong, you know? That's why nice people are so damn boring. I mean, they're nice, but their stories suck.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.