Best short quotes

When people go through something rough in life, they say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." Yes, so is everybody. Because that's how time works.

Do you remember that kid that had sex with his high school teacher? I was reading online that he died today. He died from hi-fiveing.

Only people as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

Make sure you don't smoke weed with dumb niggas because weed will make you smart. Aint nothin worse than a smart dumb nigga.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.

You missed a crazy party dude. I woke up with glitter on my dick!

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them.

I love doing comedy, you guys. I knew comedy was for me when I was the only Asian in high school that failed math. But you know, when I failed, eight other students around me failed, too.

What is stand-up comedy?

Stand-up comedy is a performance for a live audience. Usually one or multiple performers called comics or stand-up comedians are speaking directly to their audience. Typically a performer tells a routine of jokes or funny monologue with various stories and anecdotes chained together.

It's not uncommon for acting, pantomime, magic tricks * or singing to be used to increase variety of such performance.

In United Kingdom stand-up comedy began gaining popularity in 18th century and raised many great performers like Arthur Askey, Max Miller and Ken Dodd. The comedians were heavily censored and had to get their act approved and adapted to the censorship.